Help your student deal with homesickness

Dear Parents and family members,

Now that we’re into mid-fall, your daughter has begun to create her niche at St. Kate’s. She is meeting a lot of new people and encountering new ideas and activities in an unfamiliar environment. I hope that things are going smoothly, although new students almost always encounter a few bumps in the road. College can seem like an exciting adventure or a scary challenge – or both, depending upon the day or the hour.

How you and your daughter respond to the first year of college will depend on your temperaments and life histories. For your daughter, it may help to know that some of the difficulties she will experience are part of a normal developmental process and have been survived by many students before her.

Homesickness is common during the first year of college, though it may not always look the same or show up at the same time, depending upon the individual student. I describe it as a longing to be in a familiar, safe, secure place without having to face change and challenges that you aren’t sure you can manage.

Homesickness may show up right away or after the excitement of a new beginning wears off, or when tests loom and life "gets real." It may manifest itself as tears and sadness, or as irritability and anger. The very name “homesick” has been used to belittle or minimize a feeling that is a very real part of an important developmental process as young adults learn to trust themselves and cope with change. From the time they are born, children work to develop their own sense of identity, to discover who they are and what they can do in the world.

Over the years, parents gradually evolve from being totally in charge and central in the life of a newborn or even a school-aged child to stepping back and holding students with “open hands." Separating while staying connected is a theme of the first year of college and may help parents learn how to react to homesickness that can be managed without professional intervention.

Ups and downs are part of a new experience. If you have any questions or concerns about what your daughter is experiencing, please call the counseling center to consult with one of our psychologists. We may have suggestions for handling a particular situation or be able to guide you to other resources. Reach us at 651-690-6805.

Heide Malat, Psy. D., L. P.
Director, CSC Counseling Center